there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize