I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
