I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
