help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
