btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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