I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My ATM looks so different sober.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize