I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
