Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
