masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize