Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
