She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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