My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
