It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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