I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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