trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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