yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
