This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
