It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
