If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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