So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
