she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
