HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
