Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
