Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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