i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
