So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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