Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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