Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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