YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
