And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
