My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
