Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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