The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
