It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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