i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
