Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize