i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
