FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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