We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize