My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Im part way to drunk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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