I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
