pop tarts are not kleenex
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
