my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
