This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
