omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
