We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
