Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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