Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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