my sisters under your porch take her home
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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