I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
