I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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