Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
