i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
