8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
