I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
