Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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