Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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