i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize