I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
