white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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