VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
