Pants 0. Shit 1.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
