I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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