belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize