Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
