Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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