Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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