So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
