Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
