Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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