my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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