Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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