so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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