awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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