Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
