remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize