we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
