I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
