I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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