"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
