Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
