Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
