You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
