Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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