Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
