I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
